Oh where to start?

The first white man to single-handedly climb the Bombalitapa Mountain range in Northern Chile, whilst teaching the local tribe seven card Whist and cake making, using only the ingredients of the hitherto poisonous Yakatelly plant, but rendered mouth wateringly delicious in Jimmy’s hands.

He has read every book, listened to every record worth listening to, made sweet love to every beautiful woman worth making sweet love to (“beautiful” could be stretching it a tad).

Jimmy is just an extraordinary guy in an ordinary world. A cad, a bounder, a gentleman, a man’s man, a woman's man, a visionary and a Manc.

Supports United, but has no interest in football.

Always entertaining, takes our constant P taking and our terrible Manc accents very well. But if he didn’t we'd give him a kicking.

Top boy though. We would be lost without him.

 
james.ironmonger@ltdltd.com

“Danny T”, "Danny Thoroughlygood” to name but two. Actually, there are only two.

A smaller, more hench and more handsome version of the ex-Spurs so called footballer David Bentley, Dan should be sponsored by Fred Perry and could model their children's range.

Likes a beer, but unlike Larry (to follow) can hold it down and is always on point. Perfect facial hair at all times deserves extra points.

 
daniel.thorogood@ltdltd.com

So cool he never wears socks, not even in the dead of Winter and not even when he is off sick with another cold caught because he never wears socks.

Lovely, affable, laidback chap with an easy smile that is replaced by a slightly ridiculous lopsided grin after a (very) few beers. One sniff of a packet of wine gums and he is tottering, bless his cotton...feet!

Originally from Devon. Don’t know if that explains anything? Maybe it's in the clotted cream. Weakens the defences.

 
larry.bates@ltdltd.com

Too handsome and immaculate for my liking, with perfect thick black hair atop a fine physique. I’ve just realised for the first time as I type this that perhaps I am attracted to him.

But no, all that perfection makes me sick and I hate him and all he stands for.

Just had his first nipper and you can already see how stunning he is, so I’ll despise him too.

And he’s a nice bloke. Tosser.

 
james.everett@ltdltd.com

Lou has secret, magic powers. She never goes on holiday but is tanned all the time. Even in Winter!

That’s magic right? What else could it be?

And she lives in a place called Sunbed City, near Woodford. It isn’t on any direction signs, A-Z’s or Sat Nav. But she lives there with her other magical tanned friends.

She also gave up smoking a couple of months ago and against a backdrop of universal doubt (myself included) and despite all the odds has cracked it and is a non smoker.

Top girl.

 
louise.marshall@ltdltd.com

His first child, daughter Ella, had a difficult birth. The head came out easily enough, it was the Spurs hat she came out in that was the problem!

And I don’t even want to go into the problem with the football boots. My eyes are watering just at the thought of it.

Darren could write an update To Robert Frost's “A Road Less Travelled” with “I Travel On Every Bloody Road”.

He should get Road Miles & would qualify for whatever prize was on offer. A portable in-car latrine would be top of his list.

Travels the country at alarming speeds, in car or van with his Blackberry velcro-ed to his chest.

 
darren.belcher@ltdltd.com

Surprisingly amusing for an accountant, with a dry sense of humour, Craig has learnt how to dress down since joining us.

Gone are the sharp suits, tailored strides, double breasted sports jackets and cricket club ties, to be replaced with distressed jeans (they certainly look distressed, terrified even) with an assortment of “interesting” T-Shirts.

I thought I was a great salesman, but the person that sold him those, that’s a great salesman.

Anyway, help is at hand for Craig. We are giving him an annual clothes budget. Just hope that’s not a waste of 20 quid.

Finally, supports Luton. Goes to see them live. Nuff said.

 
craig.snowden@ltdltd.com

Ah Jems. Jemsey. J. Jemmalina.

Terrified about what I am going to write about her, but knows I luv her really.

If she was a footballer she would be Roy Keane. Fearless, loyal, brilliant, covers the whole pitch, never takes a backward step.

And doesn’t take any prisoners. It's her way, or her way. Alternatively, it's still her way. If we rethink it and brainstorm it and think outside the box...it is still her way.

The problem is, nine times out of ten, her way is the right bloody way.

I sit next to her and wind her up as often as possible. The cheeks colour change to a crimson in a matter of seconds, the faint whiff of smoke just before it starts coming out of her ears.

Come on, how could any man resist. A ticking time bomb a matter of inches away. Tell me you wouldn’t?

Has recently discovered Yoga, but chinned the Yoga teacher so had to leave (only joking, would be an all time great story if true).

Oh, and falls off horses regularly. I assume for fun.

 
jemma.lappage@ltdltd.com

Riz, Tony, Rizla, Tone, T, The Black Italian.

More aliases than that bloke Leo DiCaprio played who was always on the run, Riz is still “freaking out” on the dancefloor after all these years ( I have worked with him for about 25).

Some would say it's all a bit sad, some would say it's a bit “mutton lamb”, some would even say pathetic, but the man really can dance (read in American accent, sounds cooler).

He may be approaching 80, but once he throws that Zimmer, being careful not to harm any of the “youngsters” in the place, he is a fricking Michael Jackson (when he was alive).

Still kicking ball and still a good player, this old-boy is holding it together & kicking some ass (again American accent please).

Yeh.

 
anotonio.renzullo@ltdltd.com

Banned from every “as much as you can eat” restaurant in Southern Europe, this human garbage disposal unit defies the laws of physics.

His local council dropped off a waste food bin two years ago and it is still unused, as are all within a three mile radius. Get the drift?

Fortunately has almost as big an attitude for work as he does for food.

If it wasn’t for his love and talent for cycling, Patrick would comfortably be Britain’s (actually Europe's) fattest man (and deadest).

Known him since we were “knee high” and still my “bestie”.

Unlike me (who has given up the ghost), Stu is desperately trying to cling on to his barnet and to anybody under about 5’8” he has a great, thick head of hair.

Unfortunately anybody over that height will see the “reveal”. If only he were a foot taller!

Loves a gadget and would be in the all night queue for the latest i-something if the cold didn’t bring on his lumbago.

In the year above me at school, so much, much older.

 
stuart.hart@ltdltd.com

Older brother to Dan, hence the identical surname, and new addition to the Finishing Dep’t.

Ricky is a chilled out chappie which is quite a feat in the 24/7 cauldron that is Mounting.

Unlike Dan, is of normal human height, but hasn’t quite mastered the perfect facial hair trick of his sibling.

Amazingly close to his brother which is lovely to see.

Just turned the big four O & desperately clinging on to his former self. Still regularly gigging and still listening to new bands and new music. Will it end in tears?

The short, leather “bolero” jacket, new styled barnet (he is still hanging onto it) and Harley may only be a heartbeat away.

Knows how to put his clobber together and can still cut a dashing figure, but here too lies potential danger.

Is the next designer on his list “Mutton/Lamb"?

Watch this space!!!

 
stu.gl@ltdltd.com

Standing 6’4” in my KJ Beckett designer socks, a body more ripped than Van Winkle himself, with flowing, ringletted shoulder length thick black hair, that naturally falls onto my taut shoulders.

Some say “sex God” but I am just a humble Cambridge educated “normal” guy.

Sure my charity work with the Nepalise kids is important but the Nobel Peace Prize isn’t just down to my great work. I had help. Not much, mind.

Now, when you look at the illustration of me, you will notice the hair, sculptured face, lean, hench physique etc are missing. They seem to have replaced me with some old, bald, chubby bloke.

They will lose their jobs. Then their body parts. And I can’t tell you where the Nobel Peace Prize will end up.

 
craig.beecher@ltdltd.com

One of those annoying people that is talented at almost everything.

In the words of Devlin “I’ll sleep when I’m dead”, Seymour has more awake time and thinking time than anybody I have ever known, hence the constant flow of new substrates, effects and ideas are probably from him, thought out between 3am onwards when the rest of us are “a kip”.

Not to point too rosy a picture, there are some things he is rubbish at: High wire walking (although unproved at time of writing), taxidermy, lamb farming & Yiddish.

Had some of the best and funniest nights of my life with him, Stu & Riz. You can all rest assured your work is safe in our (slightly shaky) hands.

 
seymour.reeves@ltdltd.com

Canning Town girl, “newy” but feels like she has been around for ages, which in my book means we have found a good 'un

Easy to be around, ridiculously helpful, efficient, pleasant and down to earth. Everything we want at Ltd. Also provides delicious snacks and beverages for all and sundry without prior warning, so you can get back to your desk and find a bowl of blackberries and yoghurt, or choccie biscuits, or steak tartar with a cup of perfect pantone matched tea or coffee

And the first person from the East End who hasn’t told me their brother/dad/uncle/cousin/sister/hamster was “a driver for the boys” (The Krays)

They had more drivers than Tiger Woods

Boom. Boom.
jane.edwards@ltdltd.com

His bite is much worse than his bark

For the few clients who don’t pay their bills on time Wizzle is being extensively trained to collect outstanding debts, by having your delicate parts in one paw and the outstanding invoice in another

His jowls primed to either snap into action or gently nuzzle up depending on the result he gets

First dog debt collector in London. Could be the start of something big

Having his doggy pin-stripe suit tailored by Ozwald Barkteng at the time of writing

wizzle@ltdltd.com